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runedgirlTitle: Where Sam and Dean Leave off and We Begin
Fandom:RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: Eventually NC-17, but you have to wait
Summary: Things in the show have a way of spilling over into their personal lives, and vice versa
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
“Ackles, you can go. Padalecki, stay for a few.” Jared looked up, surprised, at their director’s suggestion. They had just wrapped for the week, things had gone pretty well, not too many takes, and he was tired, just wanting to go back to his place and collapse before he headed to LA for the weekend.
Jensen caught his eye, brows furrowing briefly with a quizzical look. That annoyed Jared instantly. Did Jensen assume he was in trouble or something? Jared had the sudden impulse to reach out and give him a shove. Get away from me, Jen. Just get the fuck away from me. But he said nothing, just turned back to Kim. He could hear Jensen’s footsteps, knew he was walking that Dean-way, that slightly bowlegged swagger. Jared ran a hand through his long unruly hair, annoyed at himself for thinking about it.
“What?”
“Come on, sit.” Kim motioned them into side by side chairs. “Remember the talk we had a while ago, about emotions?”
Jared was even more annoyed now. Maybe Kim *was* going to yell at him. “Yes,” he said evenly, with as much patience as he could muster. “How emotions are an actor’s best asset.” There, that would show him. It’s not like he doesn’t pay attention. Or know this stuff.
The director wasn’t looking at him, but he went on. “They are, yes. So why are you fighting yours so hard?”
“What? Mine?” Jared felt accused, but of what he wasn’t sure. “Whaddya mean fighting mine, I’m not fighting anything.”
“That’s not what it looks like.”
“Are you saying I’m not projecting Sam’s emotions as well as I need to? Because Kim, I don’t think that’s fair, I think I’m trying just as hard as he is.”
“Who is?” Kim was looking at him now.
“Jensen! I can’t project Sam without him projecting Dean, I mean, it’s all tied up together,” Jared protested. “Why didn’t you wanna talk to him too? Why just me?”
“Because you may be more able to hear it,” the director answered.
“Hear what?” Jared was still mad. And clueless.
“I’m not talking about Sam, Jared.” Kim paused. “I’m talking about you. And Jensen.”
Jared looked stunned. “Me? And Jensen?” he repeated, frowning.
“I am the director, you know,” Kim reminded him, almost laughing. “Directors can’t be blind, in fact they have to be anything but.”
Jared felt himself blushing. “Blind?” Not that he didn’t know exactly what Kim was talking about.
“All I’m saying is, you can’t shut off some of your emotions without shutting off the rest of them too. Humans just aren’t made like that. You swallow one, you start to swallow them all.”
“Look, there’s nothing – I mean, nothing’s going on – there’s nothing between me and Jensen,” Jared sputtered. It was the truth, after all. There *was* nothing. One kiss, big deal. Jensen had been drunk off his ass, and Jared had been. Upset. He was with Sandy, things were cool. He didn’t dream about it anymore. Much.
Kim fixed him with a disappointed stare. “Yeah,” he finally said. “That’s the problem. There’s nothing between you and Jensen. And I can feel it.”
Jared wanted nothing more than to get out of there, to run away from what the director was saying, to not hear it. He didn’t want to go back there, to feeling things that were a waste of time. That were painful. No, he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. It had been a mistake to even think about it, for both of them. Somehow – inadvertently -- he’d hurt Jensen in the process, as well as himself. And he wouldn’t do that again.
“I don’t know what I can do about that.” Jared hoped he wasn’t going to get fired for this, but damn, Kim didn’t know what he was asking. “It is what it is.”
A rare flash of anger crossed the director’s face. “That’s not good enough, Jared. Not when it affects your acting.”
Jared stared back, defiantly. “My real life is none of your business,” he said quietly but very seriously.
“You’re wrong,” Kim replied, just as defiantly. “Everything you do is my business, when it affects the show. And this show hinges on Sam and Dean, and you know it. If they don’t love each other, nothing works.”
“Sam *does* love Dean,” Jared protested. “With everything he is!”
“Then show me, Jared. Show me. Stop being so afraid of your own feelings that you can’t feel Sam’s.” And the director was gone.
“Why don’t you tell Jensen??” Jared yelled after him.
* * *
Goddammit, Jared thought as he left the set, this is fucking unfair. I’m not the one who’s so afraid of my feelings that I can’t even feel them, that I can’t even fucking look him in the eye anymore. It’s not me, this isn’t my fault, it’s HIS. His, his, his. Fucking Jensen with his prettyboy looks and his fuckme eyes and his suckyou lips, it’s his fucking fault. And ohgod, why does it always come out that way in my head when I think about him?
Jared paced through the whole weekend, fighting with Sandy, fighting with himself. By the time Monday morning came, he was wired from sleeplessness, furious at Kim, even more furious at his clueless costar. He dialed the 2 on his cell, expecting voicemail. Jensen never picked up anymore when he saw it was Jared. Not that Jared called very often.
“Yeah.”
Jared was caught off guard for a moment by the voice on the other end.
“Yeah?” Jensen sounded impatient.
“Where are you?”
There was a pause at the other end. “I’m back in Vancouver,” Jensen answered.
“Already?” Jared started throwing stuff in his bag. They were gonna end this. This – this whatever this was. Make it go away. Once and for all. This wasn’t gonna ruin his career. JENSEN was not gonna ruin his career. “Well I’m on my way back too. We gotta talk.”
“Jared ----“ Jensen didn’t sound so angry now.
Jared cut him off. “I’m not taking the blame for things being shitty on the fucking show, you’re taking it too. It’s your fucking fault anyway.”
“What?”
“You heard me, Jensen. Stop trying to ruin things for me.”
Jensen’s voice rose, angry, incredulous. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
This time it was Jared who hung up the phone.
* * *
They weren’t shooting until that evening, something about an outdoor night shoot. Jared hadn’t even read the script, he’d been so distracted all weekend. All he could think about was confronting Jensen, before he ran into Kim again, before he got another lecture.
The set was nearly deserted, most people sleeping in to prepare for a long night. A few of the crew motioned towards the trailers in response when he asked if Jensen was around. Fine. Good. No time like the present to give him a piece of my mind, Jared thought.
He was halfway up the stairs with an arm raised to bang on Jensen’s trailer door when the sounds from inside caught his ear. Laughter. Feminine, soft, half muffled. What? And Jensen’s unmistakable voice, low and intimate, no words, just sound. Deep, halfway between a moan and a growl. What?
Without consciously deciding to do so, Jared leaned over from the stairs to stare in the slightly cracked window to the right. He was tall enough to see inside from there, through the parted curtains. He froze, his long body rigid, hands clenched on the railing. Jesusfuckingchrist.
Jensen was lying back on the trailer’s modest twin bed, propped on his elbows, stretched out so that his legs hung over the end of the bed. And kneeling between his feet, which were still wearing sneakers and had his jeans tangled around them, was an unfamiliar girl. Giving him a blowjob. Jared gasped audibly, straining to get a better angle of sight through the small window. Jesus. Just jesus.
Jensen’s eyes were closed, long lashes resting against the sprinkle of freckles across his flushed cheeks. His tee shirt was on the floor, firm chest bare with a thin sheen of sweat. Jared watched the play of muscles in his flat belly as he lifted his hips from the bed and thrust languidly against the girl’s bobbing head, making that noise again, that low soft deep moan that seemed to reverberate right down to Jared’s feet, setting everything between his ears and his toes on fire.
One of her hands came up to slide across his stomach, up to his chest, finding a stiff nipple and teasing it. “Ohyeah,” Jensen murmured, eyes still closed, his own hand finding the other hard nub and twisting it cruelly. Jared’s jaw dropped at the movement, at the roughness in the way he touched himself. Jensen pushed his slender hips up harder, and the girl lifted her head to slide her lips up and almost off, giving Jared a clear view of his thick rigid spit-slick cock. Fuckinggod – that was the last thing Jared thought before the railing gave way from the weight of his almost six and a half foot frame and he crashed to the frozen ground with the metal bars clattering noisily down around him.
“What the fuck?”
He didn’t even really want to turn over and meet Jensen’s eyes, but staying on the ground probably wasn’t an option either. “Jared? What the fuck?”
Jensen had yanked up his jeans, but they were still unzipped, leaving a tantalizing vee of bare skin and a flash of dark hair visible where just a moment before that impressive dick had been. He just stood at the door of the trailer staring down at his costar in disbelief.
The girl peered out from over his shoulder, fully dressed. Had she been fully dressed the whole time? Jared couldn’t even remember. “Ohmygod, is that Sam?” she giggled. “I mean, Jared?”
He climbed awkwardly to his feet, brushing off the snow. “Um, yeah. I – um, I was just gonna come by and – I didn’t know….”
Jensen was glaring at him, looking fucking furious. And fucking amazing. Jared felt like a foolish little schoolboy suddenly. He hung his head, the anger wrung out of him by the strange mix of lust and mortification.
“Sorry, man,” he managed. To his complete embarrassment, Jared felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Maybe the fall had hurt him after all. He looked up at Jensen even though the last thing he wanted his costar to see was how stupid he felt. It wasn’t the fall, he knew that. Fuck Kim and his ‘feel feel feel, let yourself feel’. This is what it got him, feeling. Looking like an incredible fucking asshole and feeling like a fool. And most likely, and worst of all, Jensen hating him. Jared could feel his composure threaten to break. He swallowed hard. “Really sorry.”
Before Jensen could say something that hurt even more, Jared retreated to his own trailer, grateful for his long legs as he put distance between them as quickly as he could.
Chapter 9
Fandom:RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: Eventually NC-17, but you have to wait
Summary: Things in the show have a way of spilling over into their personal lives, and vice versa
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
“Ackles, you can go. Padalecki, stay for a few.” Jared looked up, surprised, at their director’s suggestion. They had just wrapped for the week, things had gone pretty well, not too many takes, and he was tired, just wanting to go back to his place and collapse before he headed to LA for the weekend.
Jensen caught his eye, brows furrowing briefly with a quizzical look. That annoyed Jared instantly. Did Jensen assume he was in trouble or something? Jared had the sudden impulse to reach out and give him a shove. Get away from me, Jen. Just get the fuck away from me. But he said nothing, just turned back to Kim. He could hear Jensen’s footsteps, knew he was walking that Dean-way, that slightly bowlegged swagger. Jared ran a hand through his long unruly hair, annoyed at himself for thinking about it.
“What?”
“Come on, sit.” Kim motioned them into side by side chairs. “Remember the talk we had a while ago, about emotions?”
Jared was even more annoyed now. Maybe Kim *was* going to yell at him. “Yes,” he said evenly, with as much patience as he could muster. “How emotions are an actor’s best asset.” There, that would show him. It’s not like he doesn’t pay attention. Or know this stuff.
The director wasn’t looking at him, but he went on. “They are, yes. So why are you fighting yours so hard?”
“What? Mine?” Jared felt accused, but of what he wasn’t sure. “Whaddya mean fighting mine, I’m not fighting anything.”
“That’s not what it looks like.”
“Are you saying I’m not projecting Sam’s emotions as well as I need to? Because Kim, I don’t think that’s fair, I think I’m trying just as hard as he is.”
“Who is?” Kim was looking at him now.
“Jensen! I can’t project Sam without him projecting Dean, I mean, it’s all tied up together,” Jared protested. “Why didn’t you wanna talk to him too? Why just me?”
“Because you may be more able to hear it,” the director answered.
“Hear what?” Jared was still mad. And clueless.
“I’m not talking about Sam, Jared.” Kim paused. “I’m talking about you. And Jensen.”
Jared looked stunned. “Me? And Jensen?” he repeated, frowning.
“I am the director, you know,” Kim reminded him, almost laughing. “Directors can’t be blind, in fact they have to be anything but.”
Jared felt himself blushing. “Blind?” Not that he didn’t know exactly what Kim was talking about.
“All I’m saying is, you can’t shut off some of your emotions without shutting off the rest of them too. Humans just aren’t made like that. You swallow one, you start to swallow them all.”
“Look, there’s nothing – I mean, nothing’s going on – there’s nothing between me and Jensen,” Jared sputtered. It was the truth, after all. There *was* nothing. One kiss, big deal. Jensen had been drunk off his ass, and Jared had been. Upset. He was with Sandy, things were cool. He didn’t dream about it anymore. Much.
Kim fixed him with a disappointed stare. “Yeah,” he finally said. “That’s the problem. There’s nothing between you and Jensen. And I can feel it.”
Jared wanted nothing more than to get out of there, to run away from what the director was saying, to not hear it. He didn’t want to go back there, to feeling things that were a waste of time. That were painful. No, he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. It had been a mistake to even think about it, for both of them. Somehow – inadvertently -- he’d hurt Jensen in the process, as well as himself. And he wouldn’t do that again.
“I don’t know what I can do about that.” Jared hoped he wasn’t going to get fired for this, but damn, Kim didn’t know what he was asking. “It is what it is.”
A rare flash of anger crossed the director’s face. “That’s not good enough, Jared. Not when it affects your acting.”
Jared stared back, defiantly. “My real life is none of your business,” he said quietly but very seriously.
“You’re wrong,” Kim replied, just as defiantly. “Everything you do is my business, when it affects the show. And this show hinges on Sam and Dean, and you know it. If they don’t love each other, nothing works.”
“Sam *does* love Dean,” Jared protested. “With everything he is!”
“Then show me, Jared. Show me. Stop being so afraid of your own feelings that you can’t feel Sam’s.” And the director was gone.
“Why don’t you tell Jensen??” Jared yelled after him.
* * *
Goddammit, Jared thought as he left the set, this is fucking unfair. I’m not the one who’s so afraid of my feelings that I can’t even feel them, that I can’t even fucking look him in the eye anymore. It’s not me, this isn’t my fault, it’s HIS. His, his, his. Fucking Jensen with his prettyboy looks and his fuckme eyes and his suckyou lips, it’s his fucking fault. And ohgod, why does it always come out that way in my head when I think about him?
Jared paced through the whole weekend, fighting with Sandy, fighting with himself. By the time Monday morning came, he was wired from sleeplessness, furious at Kim, even more furious at his clueless costar. He dialed the 2 on his cell, expecting voicemail. Jensen never picked up anymore when he saw it was Jared. Not that Jared called very often.
“Yeah.”
Jared was caught off guard for a moment by the voice on the other end.
“Yeah?” Jensen sounded impatient.
“Where are you?”
There was a pause at the other end. “I’m back in Vancouver,” Jensen answered.
“Already?” Jared started throwing stuff in his bag. They were gonna end this. This – this whatever this was. Make it go away. Once and for all. This wasn’t gonna ruin his career. JENSEN was not gonna ruin his career. “Well I’m on my way back too. We gotta talk.”
“Jared ----“ Jensen didn’t sound so angry now.
Jared cut him off. “I’m not taking the blame for things being shitty on the fucking show, you’re taking it too. It’s your fucking fault anyway.”
“What?”
“You heard me, Jensen. Stop trying to ruin things for me.”
Jensen’s voice rose, angry, incredulous. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
This time it was Jared who hung up the phone.
* * *
They weren’t shooting until that evening, something about an outdoor night shoot. Jared hadn’t even read the script, he’d been so distracted all weekend. All he could think about was confronting Jensen, before he ran into Kim again, before he got another lecture.
The set was nearly deserted, most people sleeping in to prepare for a long night. A few of the crew motioned towards the trailers in response when he asked if Jensen was around. Fine. Good. No time like the present to give him a piece of my mind, Jared thought.
He was halfway up the stairs with an arm raised to bang on Jensen’s trailer door when the sounds from inside caught his ear. Laughter. Feminine, soft, half muffled. What? And Jensen’s unmistakable voice, low and intimate, no words, just sound. Deep, halfway between a moan and a growl. What?
Without consciously deciding to do so, Jared leaned over from the stairs to stare in the slightly cracked window to the right. He was tall enough to see inside from there, through the parted curtains. He froze, his long body rigid, hands clenched on the railing. Jesusfuckingchrist.
Jensen was lying back on the trailer’s modest twin bed, propped on his elbows, stretched out so that his legs hung over the end of the bed. And kneeling between his feet, which were still wearing sneakers and had his jeans tangled around them, was an unfamiliar girl. Giving him a blowjob. Jared gasped audibly, straining to get a better angle of sight through the small window. Jesus. Just jesus.
Jensen’s eyes were closed, long lashes resting against the sprinkle of freckles across his flushed cheeks. His tee shirt was on the floor, firm chest bare with a thin sheen of sweat. Jared watched the play of muscles in his flat belly as he lifted his hips from the bed and thrust languidly against the girl’s bobbing head, making that noise again, that low soft deep moan that seemed to reverberate right down to Jared’s feet, setting everything between his ears and his toes on fire.
One of her hands came up to slide across his stomach, up to his chest, finding a stiff nipple and teasing it. “Ohyeah,” Jensen murmured, eyes still closed, his own hand finding the other hard nub and twisting it cruelly. Jared’s jaw dropped at the movement, at the roughness in the way he touched himself. Jensen pushed his slender hips up harder, and the girl lifted her head to slide her lips up and almost off, giving Jared a clear view of his thick rigid spit-slick cock. Fuckinggod – that was the last thing Jared thought before the railing gave way from the weight of his almost six and a half foot frame and he crashed to the frozen ground with the metal bars clattering noisily down around him.
“What the fuck?”
He didn’t even really want to turn over and meet Jensen’s eyes, but staying on the ground probably wasn’t an option either. “Jared? What the fuck?”
Jensen had yanked up his jeans, but they were still unzipped, leaving a tantalizing vee of bare skin and a flash of dark hair visible where just a moment before that impressive dick had been. He just stood at the door of the trailer staring down at his costar in disbelief.
The girl peered out from over his shoulder, fully dressed. Had she been fully dressed the whole time? Jared couldn’t even remember. “Ohmygod, is that Sam?” she giggled. “I mean, Jared?”
He climbed awkwardly to his feet, brushing off the snow. “Um, yeah. I – um, I was just gonna come by and – I didn’t know….”
Jensen was glaring at him, looking fucking furious. And fucking amazing. Jared felt like a foolish little schoolboy suddenly. He hung his head, the anger wrung out of him by the strange mix of lust and mortification.
“Sorry, man,” he managed. To his complete embarrassment, Jared felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Maybe the fall had hurt him after all. He looked up at Jensen even though the last thing he wanted his costar to see was how stupid he felt. It wasn’t the fall, he knew that. Fuck Kim and his ‘feel feel feel, let yourself feel’. This is what it got him, feeling. Looking like an incredible fucking asshole and feeling like a fool. And most likely, and worst of all, Jensen hating him. Jared could feel his composure threaten to break. He swallowed hard. “Really sorry.”
Before Jensen could say something that hurt even more, Jared retreated to his own trailer, grateful for his long legs as he put distance between them as quickly as he could.
Chapter 9
