Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

[runedgirl]

Title:Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: (Surprisingly!) PG-13 for implied Wincest
Warning: It will make you cry.
Spoilers: Takes place after AHBL.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not mine, just using for fun, not profit.



Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

Sam watches Dean sleep in the predawn light. His brother is most beautiful when he’s unconscious. Or coming. Any moment when he’s allowed himself to let himself go, when he’s no longer putting up a front. Sam thinks back, pulling memories and half formed desires up from the grey morning of his heart.

Dean doesn’t know that the first time Sam came, he wasn’t thinking of the little girl who sat next to him in Social Studies class. He was thinking of Dean. He was twelve.

Dean doesn’t know that when he arches his back against Sam’s touch Sam sometimes wants to cry.

Dean doesn’t know that Sam once stole the Impala and took it for a joyride. He was fourteen.

Dean doesn’t know that he’s not Sam’s “brother” or “lover”. He’s his Dean. And that’s everything. Labels become unnecessary just like everyone and everything else is unnecessary as long as he’s got Dean.

Dean doesn’t know, really know, that Sam would do anything for him. Sam knows Dean won’t let himself believe that one. The implications are too shattering. And Dean doesn’t think he’s worth that kind of love. He is.

And then there’s the thing that Sam is glad Dean doesn’t know. That Sam has figured out a way, the only way, to save his brother from the demon that will be coming around to claim his soul in just a few short days.

Sam sits in the predawn light watching Dean sleep, watching the grey of the gun in his hands finally resolving itself into a separate grey from the light in the room.


Three Things Dean Knows And One Thing He Doesn’t

Dean knows that Sam came for the first time thinking of him because the stupid little kid said his name right before he let out the little whimper that let Dean know what was going on in the other bed. He got up afterwards and jerked off in the bathroom trying not to think of anyone. It didn’t work.

Dean knows about Sam and the Impala. He let his kid brother think that he had gotten away with something. What Sam didn’t know is that Dean was shadowing him in Dad’s pick-up, just to make sure he didn’t kill himself. Or the Impala.

And Dean knows that Sam has figured it out. Dean knows what’s coming. Because Dean also knows that Sam will do anything for him. He gets that. So when Sam’s lips brush against his and he hears the gun cock near his ear, he smiles.

Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun.

Comments

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

Damn it.

This hurts.
And not in a good way.

This was well-written and delightful, but...
Damn it, that last line breaks something, even alone. Kripke better come up with a more friendly solution. :)

Congratulations.

[sarlev-vanisa.livejournal.com]

*sobs* Oh my god.

That was the most beautiful and sad story, that ending line just, killed me. Oh my god.

[azraelz-angel.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was just so beautifully written. I love how Sam thought he had all these secrets he'd kept hidden from Dean, but in reality he didn't. And I just love that Dean knew the secrets, but never let Sam know that he knew.

And then the last line. Dean knowing that Sam is going to kill him, to save him and his soul from Hell, and understanding why. And then that last line...the two bullets. It brought tears to my eyes. Poor boys.

[eremir.livejournal.com]

Dammit. Now you've gone and made me cry.

I shuddered at the first part, realizing what Sam was going to do, but the second part killed me. That scenario should definitely be a possibility if we don't get a season 4.

Dammit.

[dharkapparition.livejournal.com]

Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun.

That, right there. I was doing okay until that line.

[riveroceansea.livejournal.com]

Damn it, fic hardly ever makes me cry. Beautiful haunting piece.

[sarahk-63.livejournal.com]

This paragraph was a *classic*, it made me grin like crazy, because I could so, see Dean doing just that....*Dean knows about Sam and the Impala. He let his kid brother think that he had gotten away with something. What Sam didn’t know is that Dean was shadowing him in Dad’s pick-up, just to make sure he didn’t kill himself. Or the Impala.*

But you saved the best for last and your ending just tore me apart *Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun*.

Even though the ending is gut wrenching, I have to thank you for posting this story.

[shini-chii.livejournal.com]

because the stupid little kid said his name right before he let out the little whimper
That made me smile while shaking my head. I really like that line.

This fic really has an emotion... a "something" I don't know how to say it.
I'm meming it, hope you don't mind.

[wake-up-older29.livejournal.com]

Woman!!! You killed me with this, I am with Lyns !! I am at work bawling my eyes out. You captured them so perfectly. The love, the devotion,

Dean doesn’t know, really know, that Sam would do anything for him. Sam knows Dean won’t let himself believe that one. The implications are too shattering. And Dean doesn’t think he’s worth that kind of love. He is

All kids of awsomeness there ! Honestly you have Dean described to a "T"!!

Sorry I've been MIA .. RL is kickin' my ass (and not in a good way) but I got it on the run now, so expect my usual rambling comments ! :D

[demonessjo.livejournal.com]

OUCH. *wibbles and hugs them*
So beautiful. *love*

[mre-quecky.livejournal.com]

That's just lovely and sad at the same time...
I sure hope it won't come to this though...

[percysowner.livejournal.com]

Wonderful coda to the episode. I hope it doesn't end that way, that Sam (and Kripke) can find another way out, but it is a plausible solution. I'm glad that you acknowledge that the real threat is not so much that Dean will die, instead the real worry is that Dean will go to Hell for all eternity. I totally believe that Sam will do anything to prevent that. I also believe that Sam would not be able to live with himself if he killed Dean, especially if he believes "what's dead should stay dead" as much as Dean did last year.

[mystic-reader.livejournal.com]

OMG that was so heartbreaking.. I think I literally heard my heart break.

[growyourwings.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I'm an unabashed "happy ending" kinda gal. I usually don't read any fics with a "character death" or "very sad" warning on it--just because I can't deal. I'm an eternal optimist--always thinking there has just got to be a good way out of anything. I'm okay with lotsa angst--just with happy resolutions.

I also tend not to read the "five things" type of fic--only because they tend to be too short for my greediness.

I read this because it was posted by you and I've yet to read something by you all that I do not enjoy and like. (Although I really did think twice about reading since it hit 2 of my "don't read" buttons--but past history won out. And I'm glad it did.)

Okay, so having said all that. I *still* haven't read anything by you that I have not enjoyed and liked.

Wow. Very well done. Made me really think and consider the possibilities. Demonstrated very well the love between the two brothers (and I don't mean just Wincest-type love.) The last line is a killer. I rec'd this to a friend after having read it. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like character-death type fics--but this?. Again, wow. In a class by itself. I have no other words. As someone else already pointed out--when the final choice came down, it perhaps was the only "happy" (if you can call it that) resolution.

[augustfading.livejournal.com]

Oh *tears*
This was amazing. You managed to make me smile as I blinked back tears. Just... beautiful.

[arianstarr.livejournal.com]

Oh jeez, talk about heart wrenching! Wonderfully written, hon.

[fpvs.livejournal.com]

Oh!!! That was beautifully painful. So delicate... Like a rock skipping over a pond. And then the rock sinks slowly down into the depths of the lake. And there is only darkness. And cold.

*loved it*

[callmerayray.livejournal.com]

Oh gods. That last line was a friggin' suckerpunch. Ouch.

[sparklinblossom.livejournal.com]

I read this this morning before work and all throughout the day, I was thinking about this fic. How I wanted to read it again, and while being angsty, it wasn't overwhelming and it's perfect for the Winchesters. A definite fav and save!

[marylizh.livejournal.com]

I have no words!!! Whew!!!

[extracookie.livejournal.com]

"Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun."

Damn. Just Beautiful.

*sniffle*