runedgirl: (Default)
runedgirl ([personal profile] runedgirl) wrote2007-06-19 10:58 am

Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

Title:Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: (Surprisingly!) PG-13 for implied Wincest
Warning: It will make you cry.
Spoilers: Takes place after AHBL.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not mine, just using for fun, not profit.



Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

Sam watches Dean sleep in the predawn light. His brother is most beautiful when he’s unconscious. Or coming. Any moment when he’s allowed himself to let himself go, when he’s no longer putting up a front. Sam thinks back, pulling memories and half formed desires up from the grey morning of his heart.

Dean doesn’t know that the first time Sam came, he wasn’t thinking of the little girl who sat next to him in Social Studies class. He was thinking of Dean. He was twelve.

Dean doesn’t know that when he arches his back against Sam’s touch Sam sometimes wants to cry.

Dean doesn’t know that Sam once stole the Impala and took it for a joyride. He was fourteen.

Dean doesn’t know that he’s not Sam’s “brother” or “lover”. He’s his Dean. And that’s everything. Labels become unnecessary just like everyone and everything else is unnecessary as long as he’s got Dean.

Dean doesn’t know, really know, that Sam would do anything for him. Sam knows Dean won’t let himself believe that one. The implications are too shattering. And Dean doesn’t think he’s worth that kind of love. He is.

And then there’s the thing that Sam is glad Dean doesn’t know. That Sam has figured out a way, the only way, to save his brother from the demon that will be coming around to claim his soul in just a few short days.

Sam sits in the predawn light watching Dean sleep, watching the grey of the gun in his hands finally resolving itself into a separate grey from the light in the room.


Three Things Dean Knows And One Thing He Doesn’t

Dean knows that Sam came for the first time thinking of him because the stupid little kid said his name right before he let out the little whimper that let Dean know what was going on in the other bed. He got up afterwards and jerked off in the bathroom trying not to think of anyone. It didn’t work.

Dean knows about Sam and the Impala. He let his kid brother think that he had gotten away with something. What Sam didn’t know is that Dean was shadowing him in Dad’s pick-up, just to make sure he didn’t kill himself. Or the Impala.

And Dean knows that Sam has figured it out. Dean knows what’s coming. Because Dean also knows that Sam will do anything for him. He gets that. So when Sam’s lips brush against his and he hears the gun cock near his ear, he smiles.

Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun.

[identity profile] percysowner.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Wonderful coda to the episode. I hope it doesn't end that way, that Sam (and Kripke) can find another way out, but it is a plausible solution. I'm glad that you acknowledge that the real threat is not so much that Dean will die, instead the real worry is that Dean will go to Hell for all eternity. I totally believe that Sam will do anything to prevent that. I also believe that Sam would not be able to live with himself if he killed Dean, especially if he believes "what's dead should stay dead" as much as Dean did last year.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes! I really have to hand it to Kripke for setting up such an intricate scenario. There are no easy solutions on this show. Dean lives, John goes to hell. Sam lives, Dean goes to hell. Dean and Sam have to live (or not) with the consequences of what others have done to save them. Dean sees what happiness looks like and then has to give it up. There is a price to be paid for *everything*. That's what I so love about this show.

Thanks for reading!!
Kat