runedgirl: (Default)
runedgirl ([personal profile] runedgirl) wrote2007-06-19 10:58 am

Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

Title:Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: (Surprisingly!) PG-13 for implied Wincest
Warning: It will make you cry.
Spoilers: Takes place after AHBL.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not mine, just using for fun, not profit.



Five Things Sam Wishes Dean Knew and One Thing He’s Glad He Doesn’t

Sam watches Dean sleep in the predawn light. His brother is most beautiful when he’s unconscious. Or coming. Any moment when he’s allowed himself to let himself go, when he’s no longer putting up a front. Sam thinks back, pulling memories and half formed desires up from the grey morning of his heart.

Dean doesn’t know that the first time Sam came, he wasn’t thinking of the little girl who sat next to him in Social Studies class. He was thinking of Dean. He was twelve.

Dean doesn’t know that when he arches his back against Sam’s touch Sam sometimes wants to cry.

Dean doesn’t know that Sam once stole the Impala and took it for a joyride. He was fourteen.

Dean doesn’t know that he’s not Sam’s “brother” or “lover”. He’s his Dean. And that’s everything. Labels become unnecessary just like everyone and everything else is unnecessary as long as he’s got Dean.

Dean doesn’t know, really know, that Sam would do anything for him. Sam knows Dean won’t let himself believe that one. The implications are too shattering. And Dean doesn’t think he’s worth that kind of love. He is.

And then there’s the thing that Sam is glad Dean doesn’t know. That Sam has figured out a way, the only way, to save his brother from the demon that will be coming around to claim his soul in just a few short days.

Sam sits in the predawn light watching Dean sleep, watching the grey of the gun in his hands finally resolving itself into a separate grey from the light in the room.


Three Things Dean Knows And One Thing He Doesn’t

Dean knows that Sam came for the first time thinking of him because the stupid little kid said his name right before he let out the little whimper that let Dean know what was going on in the other bed. He got up afterwards and jerked off in the bathroom trying not to think of anyone. It didn’t work.

Dean knows about Sam and the Impala. He let his kid brother think that he had gotten away with something. What Sam didn’t know is that Dean was shadowing him in Dad’s pick-up, just to make sure he didn’t kill himself. Or the Impala.

And Dean knows that Sam has figured it out. Dean knows what’s coming. Because Dean also knows that Sam will do anything for him. He gets that. So when Sam’s lips brush against his and he hears the gun cock near his ear, he smiles.

Dean doesn’t know there are two bullets in Sam’s gun.

[identity profile] beckytheelf.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my God. That was so beautifully written and heartbreaking. The ending was just excellent! This was such a lovely story. Our poor boys...but at least they'll still be together in the end.
You did such a great job on this, sweetie! I hope to read more of your work soon =D

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you *so* much for the feedback. And so glad you liked it. There's just no way these two don't break my heart.

[identity profile] sardonicsmiley.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
*whimper*

Oh, ouch. Sammy thinking he's keeping it a secret and Dean knowing and letting it happen and Sammy following Dean.

*whimper*

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I actually made *myself* tear up when I went back to read this again. They both try *so* hard to do the right thing for each other.
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[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I do love angst:)

[identity profile] autumnsrust.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:29 pm (UTC)(link)
oh, wow, that was beautiful. so heartwrenching, especially the last line.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much. And glad you liked the last line - I almost didn't add it in.

Cheers,
Kat

[identity profile] tabularassa.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:35 pm (UTC)(link)
That is so fucking sad and yet so amazing. You made me cry too...lol.

The implications are too shattering. And Dean doesn’t think he’s worth that kind of love. He is. He totally is. Poor baby. <3

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Sounds weird to say I'm glad I made someone cry, but, yeah, I'm glad it had that effect. Thanks so much for reading.

Kat

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[identity profile] tabularassa.livejournal.com - 2007-06-20 05:29 (UTC) - Expand
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[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much!! I love five things fics too, though this is the first one I've written. Unfortunately, it's the ending I find most plausible too. Hopefully Kripke can pull something better out of his hat.

Kat

[identity profile] tragicamente.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Really beautifully executed, but angstyomg at the end. Wonderful, though!

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks so much for both the reading and the feedback. Makes my day.

Kat

[identity profile] fromyourashes.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:55 pm (UTC)(link)
part of me kinda makes me wanna say "fuck you" to you... cuz god, the pain. and i never say "fuck you" to people.. it's so harsh - but so was this. and the "fuck you" would be a total compliment. you broke me, right down to my soul.

so, yeah, darlin'. So when Sam’s lips brush against his and he hears the gun cock near his ear, he smiles.... oh... fuck you, gorgeous.

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[identity profile] anny-h.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
oh my, you just made me cry..
damn, I didn't expect it to end like this((
amazingly written, just beautiful:)

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, I seem to have been making several people cry today. Why does that make me so happy? Thanks so much for reading!

Kat

[identity profile] lazy-8s.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:00 pm (UTC)(link)

Two bullets..... damn! This was angsty as hell, but so good. I especially loved the "his Dean" line. Awesome fic.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Awww . . . thanks so much!

Kat

[identity profile] magser.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my God!I think my heart stopped when i read the line ' Dean doesn't know there are two bullets in Sam's gun'
brilliantly written....God i love those two guys.....

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 09:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Damn, you know it didn't get to *me* as much in the writing as it does now when reading the feedback. Now *I'm* all teary.

Thanks so much for reading.

Kat
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[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Little pieces = a good thing. Thanks for reading this.

Kat

[identity profile] fleshflutter.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
That was just plain brilliant! So very sweet and yet so very tragic. Awesome awesome stuff. :)

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahhh, thanks *so* much. I am such a validation whore, and that's some validation! Thanks!

Kat

[identity profile] ravensword.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Ouch...just...ouch....and perfect.

Thank you...

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
You're very welcome. Thanks for reading:))

Kat

[identity profile] ladylawanda.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, I'd really appreciate a Wincest warning on this - it is really something that I don't enjoy accidentally reading.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Sorry - I thought the Sam/Dean pairing would have warned people off. Also didn't think it needed it because there was no sex. Raises interesting questions (for me anyway) about the boundaries of Wincest.

Kat

[identity profile] leenys.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:37 pm (UTC)(link)
OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Crap, I've got tears in my eyes! I think my heart stopped.

This was painstakingly beautiful. At first I thought that Sam was going to shoot himself and release Dean, then I realized and I swear I stopped breathing.

I AM SO SAVING THIS ONE. OMG! Can I link it to a group?

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh gosh! You have so made my day! Strange to say I'm happy that I've moved someone to tears, but there it is.

And yes, feel free to link it - what a compliment!

Kat

[identity profile] rstlessheart.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
*grabs tissues* *whimpers* Oh, that was so painfully good. *sniff* That last line broke me. Good job!

Wow, thats just an odd feeling......never thanked someone for breaking my heart before. *face palm*

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:21 pm (UTC)(link)
I know the feeling - never expressed happiness over breaking someone's heart either. But so glad you found this moving. I sort of teared up *after* I posted it and wound up re-reading it. Strange.

Kat

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[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh man! Can't tell you how much I appreciate these words. *Especially* that you found it thought provoking. I honestly can't see a good way out of this for them myself. Hoping Kripke can come up with something better than death all around.

Kat

[identity profile] eilan.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)
oohh.. that last line just got me..
*sad*

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Amost didn't include that last line in the final version. Glad I did now:)

Kat

[identity profile] ckll.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
How beautiful and hot at the same time :)

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)
You're the first one to say they found it hot too! Thanks!!!

Kat

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[identity profile] subtly-modded.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*single tear*

damn. well done. imma go cry now and tonight i'm gonna have to spend some serious time figuring out how to write up a scenario where the only answer isn't Dean dying...

so, you get double points -- points for good fic and points for inspiration.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey! The fact that this is inspiration for another writer is the best compliment!! I can't wait to see what you come up with:))

Thanks!
Kat

[identity profile] frahulettaes.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
oh damn...that one hit me in the gut.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Strange to say, but that's *wonderful*. Not for your gut of course.

Thanks for reading,
Kat

(Anonymous) 2007-06-19 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Incredible ending! Depressing as all hell granted. But what I love about this is that you get it, really get what this deal is about. All these other stories that act as if it's just Dean's life at stake are getting to me. It's like they are purposely rewriting the deal so they can angst the way they want too. Sam will do anything he can to save Dean's life during the year but if it ends without a solution (hypothetically), it isn't about tearful farewells and it was all worth it and going on with life. Dean's soul will be in hell and honestly if it gets down to a few days that becomes more important. Only thing I'm not sure about here is if with Dean dying first if he would still go to hell, he would be free if Sam died first though- a story which I haven't even seen but is a pretty obvious way out. Honestly people, soul in hell for eternity, kinda important.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow! Can I just say that I *love* feedback like this! I'm so appreciative when someone takes the time go a bit further. And yes, I completely agree - both their lives are at stake. If one goes, one way or another they are both going. I was thinking that if Dean is murdered by Sammy then the deal with the demon would be null, but it can work the other way. If Sam dies before the year is up then that might also break the deal. I can't see too many pretty endings to this one though.

Thanks again,
Kat

[identity profile] rocit63.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
So bittersweet, it's perfect! thank you

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
You're very welcome! Thanks for reading:)

Kat

[identity profile] mossylawn.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
so hurty and so beautiful.

[identity profile] runedgirl.livejournal.com 2007-06-19 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you liked it:)

Thanks,
Kat

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